


Tinderventure

by kangaroar



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crushes, Cuddles, Cute, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, First Dates, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, M/M, Online Romance, Romance, Secret Identity, Spideypool - Freeform, Superheroes, Tinder, accidentally deleted sorry, dating apps, repost, wade meets peter on tinder and they fall in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-02-12 03:12:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12950049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kangaroar/pseuds/kangaroar
Summary: This is the tale of Wade Wilson, who tries desperately to woo Peter Parker with a handy little app called Tinder.Naturally, Peter isn't having any of it.It all started when they both swiped right.





	1. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Something new and shiny! I'm just gonna take this wherever it goes; no particular plot planned out for this one (yet). Hope you enjoy! <3 also REUPLOAD BC I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THIS
> 
> I'm back to being active so hopefully i'll start updating this story more (:
> 
> Note: Bolded italics are Peter, unbolded italics are Wade.  
> Unquoted italics are Wade's Boxes.

Wade Wilson reclined back in his bed, bored. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and despite his cold-blooded, busy mercenary lifestyle, he’d had nothing to do for the past week or so. Naturally, being as fearsome as he was, both with a mask and without, he’d had little luck with friendships and even less with romance. Nevertheless, he decided to try his luck once more with a handy little app called Tinder.

He wasn’t gonna lie, he’d considered going Grindr at first. Women were great, yeah, but Wade had always found himself more attracted to the same sex. Wade prided himself on his versatility, but one could say that his standards were much too high for someone of his appearance and background. Off the top of his head? He had his eye on Captain America, Cable, Ryan Reynolds, Star Lord, and Barry Allen.

_Wrong publisher, asshole. They don’t sponsor us._

**Shut up, Yellow. He’s trying to tell a story.**

Oh, right! How could he have forgotten?

There, at the very top of his list of hot babes to bang: Spider-Man.

Wade was a simple man, even simpler to please. If someone had bulging muscles, a jawline that could have been cut from a cliff face, a towering height, a handsome face, and shoulders broader than the bridge of Thanos’s nose, then he was down. He could get a raging hard on for virtually anyone who fit that description.

But Spider-Man? Nah. He didn’t check any of Wade’s boxes on his mental list of attractiveness.

And yet somehow, Wade found himself drawn to Spider-Man’s narrow and lean form, his slim jaw and flexible body (oh, how he’d put that to use if he had the chance.) There was something unbearably sexy about how his enormous strength juxtaposed his slender build, and Wade would kill himself for a feel of that perfect ass.

Wade scoffed at himself as he returned his attention to the pictures on his phone. Spider-Man was the most perfect thing to grace this planet, but he hated Wade with a passion. Something about an honor code and whatnot. In short, Wade had no chance, so he didn’t even bother to try. Which was why he was lying in bed with a thumb that was getting sore from swiping left so much.

He was just about to give up when his phone landed on a picture of a man so cute Wade nearly screamed like a teenager before their first date. In short? The guy looked like Spidey’s ass, but a face.

_Horrible comparison._

He had a slender jaw and a perfectly formed nose, atop which sat a pair of dorky black glasses. His hair was short and spiked up, though it seemed as though the guy just had a naturally wild bedhead rather than as if he’d styled it to look like that. His mouth was perked into a cheeky smirk and Wade delighted in the warm brown of his eyes.

His eyes travelled lower to the name on the profile: Peter Parker. What a cutie. His description just proved the fact that this Peter was an angel: ‘I like sleeping and tacos.’

Wade felt his knees go weak as he swiped right and was instantly matched. That never happened. Wade had a picture of himself set as his profile picture, no flattering light or anything. His face was out there for everyone to see, and yet somehow this angel must have swiped right. His thumbs hovered over his keyboard in the chat as he racked his brain for something witty to say.

_‘Hi ^_^’_

Oh god. Wade’s hands shook. Was he moving too fast with him? Was the emoticon too much? Should he have kept the ‘h’ lowercase, or would that have given Peter the impression that he was uncivilized?

Wade’s heart rate skyrocketed as Peter sent a reply. He covered his face with a gloved hand, peeking through a gap in his fingers to read it.

**‘ _Hello! How are you?’_**

Wade collapsed onto his side, curling up and hugging his phone to his chest in glee. He knew he was acting like a thirteen year old girl texting her first boyfriend, but Wade had no fucks to give. He was going to make sure this went somewhere.

_‘I’m good. Just chilling atm. How are you?’_

**_‘I’m alright, thanks. Planning to go out and get some dinner in a bit.’_ **

_‘I hear you like tacos, huh?’_

**_‘Tacos are a poor man’s ambrosia.’_ **

Wade squealed internally. This guy was witty, charming, pretty, the entire package. See, Wade normally wouldn’t have initiated anything for weeks, but this guy was bringing out sides of him that he never knew he had before.

_‘I’m actually planning to go out and get some right now. Care to join me?’_

He waited for a response anxiously, drumming his fingertips along his thigh and feeling the textured spandex of the red suit.

**‘ _Sorry ): I’m really busy with homework tonight. Maybe some other time though?’_**

Wade sighed, but kept his hopes up.

_‘Whatever you want, baby boy.’_

**_‘So now I’m baby boy, am I?’_ **

_‘Would you prefer that or Petey Pie?’_

**_‘Both are fine, but does that mean I get to call you Wadey-kins?’_ **

Wade couldn’t believe that Peter was actually flirting back to him.

_‘Nuh uh, baby boy. It’s Wade to you. Either that, or it’s Deadpool.’_

**_‘Why would you want to adopt the name of a psycho mercenary?’_ **

_‘Petey Pie, I_ am _that psycho mercenary. How did you not know? I thought it was common knowledge.’_

Peter seemed to take longer than usual to reply, but Wade shrugged it off. He was probably doing his homework. What a nerd. When he finally did get a reply, it was only one word.

**‘ _Fun (:’_**

It was kind of abrupt, but again, Wade shrugged it off. Most people didn’t really know what to say when he revealed that he was a mercenary that didn’t exactly have a good reputation with the civilians. He was just glad that Peter hadn’t unmatched him instantly.

‘ _What about you, Baby Boy? What are you doing for a living?’_

**_‘I’m studying to be a scientist :D’_ **

Wade chuckled. This guy was endearing in all the weirdest ways.

_‘Sounds fun. You should show me around your lab someday (;’_

**_‘…is there a pick-up line in that that I’ve completely missed?’_ **

Wade could have squealed. In fact, maybe he did.

_‘You’re silly.’_

**_‘You more.’_ **

Wade smiled to himself, fingering the edge of his phone with his thumb. Never had he wanted to take someone out on a date as badly as Peter.

_‘So when can I take you out for tacos and beer?’_

**_‘Take the beer out and you have yourself a date for this Saturday.’_ **

_‘Sounds perfect ^_^’_

He took a deep breath. He couldn’t come off too strong this early. He would save his boyish charm for after the date, if Peter was as attractive as he was on the app.

‘ _You know, you kind of remind me of someone I know. Can’t really put my finger on who.’_

**_‘Haha, that’s kind of weird. I gotta go finish up my work, but I’ll talk to you later. Goodnight!’_ **

_‘Nighty night Petey-pie.’_

Under normal circumstances, Wade would have thought of Peter’s response as shady. As of now, he was too busy planning out the rest of his life with Peter.

It wasn’t every day that you stumbled upon an angel.


	2. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade goes on a date with Peter and, surprisingly, doesn't fuck it up!
> 
> (One year, one accidental deletion, and seven months later I finally update this fic)

Saturday _literally_ could not have come any slower.

Monday through Friday was always the same monotonous schedule for Wade: wake up, cold shower, tacos, fuck shit up, more tacos, bed time.

Except now there was something new between ‘more tacos’ and ‘bedtime’: talking to Peter.

_Ohh, he’s got it bad._

**_If by bad you mean monumentally, immensely, horribly, fuck-we-have-it-so-bad-for-Peter-Parker-we-want-to-die bad, then yeah. We’ve got it bad._ **

_It’s his fault for being so fucking cute._

For once Wade didn’t argue with his boxes– another first. Wade had tried everything he could think of to either scare Peter off, out him as a catfish, or reveal that Peter was actually some monstrous baby-eating psychopath.

None of it worked. Instead, he’d scored a phone number.

In the few days that Wade had known Peter he’d learned that Peter’s love of tacos _almost_ rivalled his own, that he basically lived off Taco Bell and student discounts at Starbucks, that he loved shiba inus more than he loved anything else, and that Peter, too, thought Spider-Man was the coolest person on the planet.

Although, he didn’t necessarily agree with Wade’s many comments on Spider-Man’s ass (which definitely was _not_ an experiment to see if he could get Peter jealous, and if it worked then Peter was _way_ too good at hiding it, goddamn it).

And, even more shockingly, Wade was actually starting to question if Spider-Man truly was the coolest person on Earth.

On Friday night Wade stumbled into his apartment, suit sticking to him with blood that wasn’t his. He hissed as he lifted his left arm out of it, noting the large but already healing gash his target had placed there with a swing of a blade.

_Hey, at least it wasn’t the right._

**_Stupid. You never let yourself get hit. What happened?_ **

Wade groaned as he turned the shower on to boiling and stepped in, rinsing himself off and hissing as the hot water hit the remains of the gash. “Phone buzzed in my pocket while I was fucking that asshole the fuck up. You know what that means,” he said softly as the ghost of a smirk began playing on his lips.

_Petey-pie!_

**_Hurry the fuck up. I miss him._ **

Wade hummed as he turned the shower off and dried himself off with a clean white towel, the faintest traces of blood coming off onto it as he scrubbed himself dry. He picked up his tattered suit and reached into the pocket, pulling out his phone and smiling as he saw the texts from Peter.

‘ ** _Hey, Wadey-kins. Excited for tomorrow?’_**

_‘Excited is a gross understatement. Got a place in mind?’_

**_‘Hmm, I thought you would, given that you’re convinced that no one knows more taco places than you do in New York._ ** _’_

Wade smiled. Butterflies rushed through his abdomen.

‘ _You know me so well. Where do you go to school? We’ll pick something close to there’_

_‘ **Right next to Times Square’**_

Wade grinned. Saturday was going to be the best day of his life.

‘ _Elias. Best tacos in New York guaranteed, heard of it?’_

**_‘Nope, never.’_ **

_‘Oh, baby boy, once we’re done there I won’t even need to take you home to make sure you’re satisfied.’_

Wade watched with amusement as the iMessage typing indicator disappeared and reappeared several times.

‘ ** _I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.’_**

Wade’s heart rate accelerated tenfold. He hadn’t even considered that taking Peter home would be a possibility. It had been _so_ long and usually he was impeded by the fact that he was too afraid to show anyone his skin, but it wasn’t like Peter didn’t already know. In fact, Peter had seen what was probably the ugliest but still acceptable photo of Wade in existence. The only way to go was up… which was something Wade didn’t get to say very often.

‘ _Maybe I should’ve chosen a shittier taco place.’_

_‘ **That would just be an insult, to you and to me.’**_

In a moment of sheer fondness, Wade proposed something out of the blue.

‘ _Wanna push it to tonight?’_

_‘ **Eh, why not. See you there in forty?’**_

Once again, Wade’s heart began racing. If he kept this up he’d have a heart attack before he even got to meet the man of his dreams.

_And the ass of our dreams._

**_Hopefully it’s as good as we dream it is._ **

Wade shook his head to clear it from the dirty talk of his boxes and texted back furiously.

‘ _Make that 20 and you’ve got yourself a deal.’_

_‘ **Fine. 20. I’ll be in a red hoodie and blue jeans.’**_

**_‘_ ** _That doesn’t exactly set you apart from every other male college student in the world, sweet cheeks.’_

**_‘Shut up. You’ll know me when you see me.’_ **

_‘If you say so, baby boy.’_

_‘Race ya?’_

Wade was already up and getting dressed before he read the reply from Peter. All he knew was that he was seeing Peter, who seemed more than willing to see Wade, and he was seeing him a day early and Peter was still free tomorrow so if Wade made a good impression maybe he could also see him tomorrow and Peter should probably just sleep over because it would just be too much of a hassle to see him home and then have to meet up with him again–

_Whoa there. Slow your roll, tiger._

Wade shook his head again. Yellow was right. He _wasn’t_ going to fuck this up like he had in the past, so he was just going to take it slow and steady.

Slow. And. Steady.

**_We all know that Wade Winston Wilson is anything but slow or steady._ **

_Except in bed! Well… maybe not slow._

Wade rolled his eyes and checked himself out in the mirror to make sure he looked presentable. A t-shirt and jeans would have been a fine outfit, but Wade found himself eyeing a black hoodie even though it was summer and it must have been at least 70 degrees outside. Wade shrugged and pulled the hoodie over his head, making sure the hood covered the majority of his face. He also pulled his mask on, but left it slightly loose in the back to let some air in. Better safe than sorry, right?

Wade contemplated jumping out from his sixth story window because it would’ve been faster, but settled for bolting down the fire exit stairs and sprinting to the designated location. Granted, Wade lived a fair bit further away than Peter did from Times Square, but with his superhuman strength he wasn’t too worried about beating a skinny college kid in a race. He checked the time on his watch: only 12 minutes had passed, so he was going to be at least 5 minutes early.

He arrived at 8:17 sharp with a satisfied smirk, only to have his jaw drop as he saw someone leaning against the glass window of the restaurant, facing the opposite way, clad in blue jeans and a red hoodie.

_Oh… my….god._

**_His ass is better than we dreamed. I didn’t think that was possible._ **

_It might even rival Spidey’s._

**_Nah, but it’s on par for sure. Does he even wear underwear? How the fuck is it possible that we can see every curve of his ass from here–_ **

Wade found himself walking before he knew it, his boxes shutting up almost instantly. He reached out and tapped Peter on the shoulder and almost– _almost–_ gasped when he saw Peter’s face in person for the first time. His senses were overwhelmed in a whirlwind of fluffy brown hair, brown eyes framed by long lashes, soft lips, a sculpted jawline, and the smell of laundry detergent and apple cinnamon shampoo as he gazed in rapture at Peter.

“Holy fuck.”

Peter laughed nervously, running his fingers through his hair in a way that made Wade want to _die_. “Do I have something on my face?”

“I wish you had something on your face. From me. No, no– “

Peter stared curiously as Wade fought with his boxes.

“ _Shut the fuck up,_ ” Wade hissed, “ _we can’t talk about facials on the first date. That’s_ way _too soon!”_ He continued in a similar fashion for a few more seconds before turning to Peter with a wide, albeit slightly forced smile. “Shall we enter, Petey-pie?”

“After you.” Peter opened the glass door and beckoned Wade in, a gesture that would’ve made Wade swoon on any other occasion. But he had a first impression to make, dammit.

His first impression might have come off as too strong, though, because as soon as they sat down in a booth Wade hailed a waiter and ordered two of everything on the menu. Peter’s eyes almost bugged straight out of his head.

“Wade!” Peter looked on the verge of panic. “I can’t eat all of that! I’ll die! And how will we pay for all of it–“

“I gotcha covered, baby boy, don’t worry your pretty little head about it. Also that was just for me.” Peter’s eyes went even wider as Wade scratched his head thoughtfully. “And for him, a plate of chimichangas.” He gestured toward Peter. The waiter nodded nervously, probably because of Wade’s mask and the volume of food that he ordered, before taking their menus and calling another waiter to place two ice waters on their table.

“So how’s your day been, sugar buns? Good? Bad? How’s school? And while we’re at it, how exactly do you squeeze that ass into those tight ass jeans–“

“–Um,” Peter interrupted, his face turning a flaming red. Wade resisted the urge to pinch his cheek. “My day was good, I just had a lot of homework to do before we came here, school is okay, it’s really busy as always but luckily I only have a year left, and next time I am _definitely_ wearing sweats­–“

“Grey ones, I hope?” Wade chuckled as Peter turned even redder, spluttering helplessly. “You’re cuter in person than you are on the phone, sugar tits. I didn’t think that was even possible.”

Peter turned his face away to hide his blush, glaring somewhere into the corner. He grumbled a little, but all Wade caught was something about Peter not even having tits.

It took well over an hour for the mountain of food Wade ordered to be delivered, but for once Wade didn’t mind. In person Peter was so much more nervous than he was over text, but Wade thought it was cute. It also struck him midway through dinner how much their conversations had revolved around mutual flirting rather than actually getting to know each other.

So Wade set out to remedy that.

While wolfing down tacos, horchata, nachos, and every kind of Mexican food on this side of the United States, Wade learned that Peter was 22 and that he was in his senior year at Columbia University. Had he known in the moment the sheer status of Columbia in the greater scope of universities, Wade would have been extremely impressed, but alas, he didn’t get that far in his educational path. Actually, he’d never shown any kind of interest in any educational institution ever, but when he got home later that evening Wade looked up the name of Peter’s university and his jaw dropped so low he had to realign it to his face for it to heal back into place. This just proved that Peter Parker was one in a million: what the hell kind of chances were a 6.6% admission rate?!

Wade also learned that Peter was a double major in electrical engineering and applied physics (nerd). He learned that in his free time Peter liked to play video games, but with school and work he didn’t have a lot of free time anyway. When Wade asked about Peter’s line of work, Peter blanched and rattled something off about a double job and working for the Bugle, or maybe Tony Stark? Either way, Wade didn’t give a flying ass about the Daily Bugle (since the articles about him weren’t usually great and he would never admit this but sometimes they hurt his feelings and he would have to hug his katanas to feel better) and Tony Stark was a cocky asshole (but deep down Wade knew that he only disliked Tony because Tony was the exact same kind of person that Wade was, just less funny. And less hot. And he had hair. Which might have been a key point in Wade’s annoyance of Tony Stark. But he didn’t want to admit that either).

**_Dumbass, you just told our entire audience all the stuff you didn’t want to admit. Nice going. Now they know about all our stupid insecurities._ **

When it was Wade’s turn to delve into his past, present and future, he didn’t quite know what to say. He’d noticed Peter trying to sneak glances underneath his mask as he ate, which didn’t really bother him, but it did send warning signals of _monster_ and _deformed_ and _ostracized_ to the part of his brain that enjoyed making Wade afraid. Since he’d gone the truthful route when he’d first started talking to Peter, he figured that he might as well continue to be truthful too.

He told him all about his life as a mercenary and as Weapon 11, to which Peter responded with respectful silence. Peter didn’t flinch when he spoke about torturing and murdering criminals for money, gave the faintest nod of approval when Wade clarified that he would never kill a child, and when Peter did react with notable surprise it was when Wade said that he’d always wished he was an Avenger.

“They don’t accept crazies into the club, I’m afraid,” Wade said with a faint smile, moving his pointer finger in a circle next to his head.

“You’re not crazy. Just morally grey,” Peter said delicately.

“No, like I'm actually crazy. I have these two voices in my head, Yellow and White, because in the comics they’re drawn as boxes. Also I’m canonically schizophrenic.”

Peter’s eye twitched. “Huh?”

“Doesn’t matter. The point is,” Wade said, stuffing a whole chimichanga into his mouth, “we’re nothing alike, huh?”

“No. I can’t say that I agree with your lifestyle either.” Peter picked at the last of the food on his plate. “But maybe that’s a good thing, being so different.”

Wade smiled, but it was hidden behind his mask. “Maybe you’re right.” 

* * *

 

When Wade got home he immediately flopped onto the bed, laying his arm across his face and sighing contentedly. The rest of the date had gone spectacularly. After dinner, Wade had walked Peter back to his dorm room, which was a fucking shitshow compared to Wade’s apartment, but hey, all the more incentive for Petey to move in with him, right? And Peter had pointed out all of the famous monuments across the campus and all of his favorite shops until Wade was so overwhelmed and so in love that all he wanted to do was kiss Peter’s nerd ass (but not actually his ass, that might have been too much for a first date), so instead he had settled for a kiss on the mouth.

Not that he was that lucky though. Peter had pushed his face away with a laugh and said something about the third date, but Wade knew that with his charm Peter would never last that long.

So, all in all, it was a good day.

Before he went to bed Wade opened his texts to say goodnight to Peter, but Peter had already beaten him to it.

**_‘Thank you for the food. Next time I’ll treat you?’_ **

_‘You know I can’t let you do that. Treat me with a handful of that sweet ass of yours’_

**_‘… goodnight, Wade. I'll text you tomorrow.’_ **

_‘Nighty night, baby boy (^:’_

As Wade snuggled deeper into his covers, hugging his pillow, he cracked one eye open to look at his List of Hot Babes to Bang (yeah, it’s an actual list) pinned to the wall next to his bed. Wade stared at it for a moment longer before sitting up, grabbing a red crayon from his bedside table.

He crossed off the “ _Spider-Man”_ scrawled at the top of the list and wrote “ _Petey-pie”_ instead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading (: let me know how y'all like it so far!


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